We are our own galaxy
by donnaspecter
Summary: -"I didn't think you would remember." She said with a bitter smile painted on her face. "Donna, I could never forget"- Darvey (Donna and Harvey) fanfic. One shot. I hope you enjoy. -A xxx


It was her 42nd birthday. A number she always feared and it made her sick. She thanked coincidence for making this day on the weekend because she couldn't bear the thought of people wishing her happy birthday. This has always been her _scary age._ The age she feared, not as much in the context of getting old but in the way where she wanted to achieve her goals by that age and if she hasn't she would be disappointed. And now she was here, living a beautiful but confusing life- being disappointed.

It was already 6 in the evening and after the day of eating ice creaming, drinking wine and deleting messages and calls, she got a message from him, although it was harder than with the others- she deleted that one too. Without even looking at what it said.

Ten minutes later she heard a knock on the door. At first she ignored it- like she did with every other human contact of any form today but then after another knock Donna recognized him. Hell, she even knew how he knocked.

Donna peeled herself off of the sofa, not caring how she looked as she opened the doors. "What do you want Harvey? It's the weekend and I don't even work for you anymore." She didn't know if she needed to say that to remind him or herself.

"I messaged you that I was coming over since you have been ignoring everyone today. Its your birthday." Said Harvey as he made his way inside to see that she was indeed alone.

"Like you said- its my birthday and I can do whatever I want." Said Donna, not feeling in the mood for company but she knew that his company was the only one she could bare so she might have at least act nice since he remembered.

A bottle of wine latter they have both loosened up on the couch, just talking and forgetting the limits they had, just a few inches apart, practically feeling the others warm breath on the skin.

"I haven't given you my gift yet." Said Harvey, lifting up a box and motioning it to her so she would open it.

"Thanks Harvey." She said, really meaning it- as much as she planned on being alone today, having his company was a lot better.

As she opened the gift she could feel the heat rising in her body, she opened a jewelry box to see an engagement ring inside. To the world around them that would seem confusing but she knew exactly where it came from. A sad expression was painted on her face, or maybe a surprised one as she said, really quietly "you remember." And before she looked up to meet his eyes he said "Of course I do."

 **The night of the other time**

 **After all the fun ended they were lying in bed, in between the sheets talking. That was a first for both of them- they really just let the conversation flow and after about 45 minutes of banter, the topic became deeper.**

 **Donna: What is your scary age?**

 **Harvey: What the hell is a scary age?**

 **Donna: Oh come on, everyone has a scary age.**

 **Harvey: Well I don't have a scary age. Do you have it?**

 **Donna: 42.**

 **He lifted himself up so he was now sitting in the bed and he gave her a confused look.**

 **Harvey: Why 42? That's so random and not even old.**

 **Donna: Its not about dying Harvey. It is about not- living. I read a letter in a magazine once about a woman who was 42 and depressed and she wrote for help to get her life together. I never want to be like that. To wake up one day, being 42 without career, security and a ring on my finger.**

 **She looked him deep in the eyes, he totally got what she was saying.**

 **Harvey: Donna, you have nothing to worry about- you will get that, all of that. I promise you, and if you don't then I will buy you a god damn ring.**

 **And she laughed, so did he. Not knowing the weight of those words so many years later.**

"I didn't think you would remember." She said with a bitter smile painted on her face. "Donna, I could never forget that night. And I am not just taking about sex. I mean everything about it."

"We don't talk about that and you know it." She said as she closed her eyes, scared of what was coming next. She felt his hand on hers, sending goosebumbs all over her body- _that's why we have a no-touching rule_ is a thought that crossed her mind.

"I know. What I am trying to tell you is that maybe I don't seem like I do, but I remember every single thing you ever said to me." said Harvey, not moving his hand from hers.

Donna was confused what he meant with the ring and now was the time to ask- "and this ring?"

"I didn't give it to you to marry me, I gave it to you because I never want you to think your life is pointless or that you haven't achieved anything. I want you to have everything and if that means having a ring on your finger- like you said long ago, I am going to give you a ring. What you think of it is completely up to you. But don't worry, I know you would rather drop dead than marry me." He laughed slightly at the end, to relieve the pressure he felt opening up like that.

"Don't say that if you know its not true." Donna said those words with hurt in her voice. "You actually think I wouldn't marry you if it came to it?"

"Well maybe if our lives were on the line or something.." said Harvey, laughing- thinking she was joking with her question.

"Then you clearly don't know how highly I think of you and the 12 years I spend trying to prove it to you are all for nothing." And the bitterness in her voice was growing with each second.

He was shocked by the seriousness of her voice, he thought they would go back to banter the second he got honest but hearing what she said- she clearly wasn't going to drop the subject. "Hey, those 12 years were the best years of my life. You want to know what you gave me? You gave me everything I have and I don't want you ever thinking I am not grateful for it. And I know you care about me, we are best friends and I care about you more than I do about anyone else." His voice was utterly calm, and comforting. A small laugh escaped her mouth, but not from the right reasons.

"Yeah, best friends." She shook her head, those two words were how they described each other all the time- both knowing that they were too complicated to be explained in any words let alone these two stupid ones.

"Isn´t that what you want? I asked you what you wanted, no, I asked you if you wanted everything but you…" and before he had a chance to finish his sentence she stopped him. "Harvey don't you get it? You are the one who never wanted shit. I always wanted everything. I just hoped you would realize that on your own."

She was pissed- trying to remove herself from the sofa before she said anything else she would regret tomorrow- in the harsh reality of the day. Then he stopped her by holding her wrist.

"Don't run away from a conversation like that again." He said, asking her to stay not only with his words but with his eyes as well. She sit back on the sofa and he took her hand again. She instantly felt better.

He took the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger as he asked "Donna Roberta Paulsen, do you want me to be yours whatever you wish and you be mine in any way you can?" and there in his voice was such honesty that she could never say no to. "Yes, but what will happen tomorrow? When the wine fades and we go back to being _best friends?_ "

"We were never just best friends." Said Harvey, finally saying out loud what they were both scared of admitting. Again, to the world around them that seemed confusing- but to them it made sense.

The wine did fade away and so did the feeling of honesty and bravery they felt that night. The blankets they sat on were washed and the bottles of wine they drank were thrown away. Donna washed the glasses that had their finger prints on them and Harvey went home to his empty apartment. The one thing that stayed the same was the ring and although tomorrow they will go back to being _best friends_ that ring will remind them that they aren't.

 **They are indefinable and infinite as is the galaxy.** And they both wondered if that piece of jewelry made it clear for them what they were or if it was another orbit in their already to big galaxy of unspoken words and ignored actions. Whatever it was- she now had a ring on her finger. Like he promised, before they got complicated by trying to explain what could never be put into words. After all- even scientist dont really know what or how big galaxy really is.

 **I hope you enjoyed this one shot! I think this one is my favorite so far and I hope you dont hate me because of the ending. I would love to hear your opinions so dont forget to review :)**

 **-A xxx**


End file.
